Making Plans - A grandmother talks about Caregiving and Resources at Fairhill Center

By Adaora Nzelibe Schmiedl

Today, Mrs. Montgomery is still planning but her plans are more short term. She's up at 5:00 am and packing
four lunches; then she wakes up her
8 year old granddaughter fixes her hair, and wakes up 3 grandsons, ages 9 and 6. She gets all four children breakfast, dressed and checks homework. Then she wakes up the 3 year old grandson and gets everyone in the car by 6:45 am. At 6:50 am, she drops by her 80 year old father's house and does a quick check to see if he's okay - children stay in the car!

By 7:30 am four children have been dropped at school and the rest of the morning is filled with caregiving duties for her father, cleaning and laundry for the children, play moments with her youngest 3 year old grandson, and dinner cooked and simmering by 3:00 pm.

At 3:00 pm she picks up the children and depending on the day of the week, takes them to after school classes, to Baskin Robbins (Tuesday is a dollar-a-scoop) or for a bicycle ride around the block and to the park. "We all have a bike - the neighbors come out to watch us - me in the middle: two grandkids in front and three in back!"

How does she do it all? A couple of years ago she was not sure. Her mother, who had been a real help with the children, died. Then 6 months later her brother and her husband died in the same time period. "My husband was the real caregiver - thinking and working with our grandchildren all the time because I was still working full time. I didn't work for a year - trying to plan for a life with my grandchildren and without my husband."

Today she looks around her new ranch house, filled with books and room for the children and says, "My husband would have loved this house. But you know, I can keep going because of my family and the Kinship Care program at Fairhill."

She works on the weekends, and family chips in with child care so she still brings in an income. And she attends respite sessions at Fairhill regularly. She talks about coming there about 10 years ago with a friend who was raising a granddaughter. "She needed a ride and she dragged me along!" Mrs. Montgomery says laughing. "At that time I had no idea that I'd be planning around my own grandchildren in a couple of months!"

She says that Fairhill has been a place of connections for her. "I found the school the children attend while I was there - it's an intergenerational school right there on campus." She enjoys being a part of a program where family is central and information is always available. "Sometimes when I'm early to pick up the kids, I go over to the Care and Caregiving Center and sit in the massage chair, get some toys out for the 3 year old, and sit back with the latest information on caregiving. And the children all loved summer camp here because they were around children of all ages who are being raised by older people. The teen counselors really understood how to speak to them - they had them doing little jobs to make them feel important."

But Mrs. Montgomery says Fairhill is about people and three people in particular come to mind for her. "Mary McNamara, a social worker there really helped me channel my anger - especially when my husband died. She called me every evening when she knew I needed that support. Mrs. Nolan taught my 9 year old grandson and she took him under her wing and gave him confidence - he was so shy and afraid - but not any more! And Francine works at the front desk - when my husband died she knew I was having a tough time getting the kids to school and then to work. She said 'bring them in early and they can sit behind the desk with me.'" Mrs. Montgomery nods her head, "it's all about the people."

If you ask her about her plans for the future now, she is thoughtful. "I plan to be here for my kids - we talk together, laugh together, have family meetings. It's not about what I want but what we want. I plan to see them grown, with good jobs and honest livings. College is good but a good profession is good too." And she has some near term plans as well. Laughing she says, "I am taking foster care classes - my granddaughter doesn't like being the only girl with these four boys running around. So I listened and said we'll see."

Fairhill is also home to other resources which range from the School for Caregivers - hands on back to school training for caregivers - to the Computer Learning Center - computer training and learning for older adults taught by older adults. For more information please call (216) 421-1350 and ask to schedule a tour